Kim Thien Mai I;m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes. I am out of control, and at times, hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. -Marilyn Monroe
"Things just keep going. We didn’t talk about anything heavy or light. We were just there together. And that was enough." — The Perks of Being a Wallflower
A. The Fall Fest (Homecoming) Concert is over. I'm relieved and sad at the same time. B. I'm exhausted and need to refuel. C. "I tell you these things because I love you; is it worth risking it all for your own (perceived) good? Risking who you are in my eyes for your own happiness? 'Is it worth it, am I worth it'?" D. Went to the doctors, and I am fine. E. I just need to relax, rest and enjoy myself. And I guess eat healthy. Damn. F. Great opportunities over the summer abroad! OMG. G. Need to catch up with school, or life in general H. DSP next semester... what should I run for? I. "Love is needing someone. Love is putting up with someone’s bad qualities because they somehow complete you." J. Need to find myself again. My priorities and all. Got off track for the past few weeks. K. I miss home. The few hours I was home yesterday was fun and nice. L. Semester is almost over, so much I need to get done. M. "If you’re a phase, I don’t want it to end.." N. Can't wait for the Kelly Clarkson and Lady Gaga concerts <3 O. I promise I will stay on top of my studies. Need my GPA to continuously improve P. I desperately need to save money. Q. Staying home for halloween to do hw was probably one of the smartest decisions I ever made R. We are on a deadline and it's the scariest thing I have ever had to deal with emotionally S. Junior year so far has been hard, fun and full love great memories T. Need to start doing my 1:1s with my residents. U. I <3 my siblings, hope to hang out with them soon V. I thought you'd come to the concert, but I guess not. W. Been thinking a lot about where I use to be, where I am now; so many things I wish I could improve. X. Don't know where to begin or how Y. You have changed my whole life. Turned it around in a 360 circle. You have no idea. Z. I am here because I want to be.
"Everyone had a forever, but given a choice, this would be mine. The one that began in this moment, in a kiss that took my breath away, then gave it back - leaving me astounded, amazed, and most of all, alive. " I use to be a strong believer of forever. It was over a year ago when I let that belief go. It just seems impossible for something to last forever. I don't want to be pessimistic, but it's just hard to continue to believe in something that just leads to disappointment. I don't think it's sad that I don't believe in it anymore, I look at it as a good thing. That I know that every beginning has an end, and every end will be an opportunity for the beginning. "There are a million important things to do. But none as important as lying here next to you."
I'm very busy, and it's insane. I don't understand how I do it sometimes, and what makes it most upsetting is when I think about Fort Minor's Where'd You Go. I want to stop dealing with everything, and just enjoy my time with you. We are on a clock, and I don't want to lose one second.
"There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment."
I don't like it when people say that is just wasn't the right time, or maybe it will work out afterwards. Honestly, there's is no perfect time. Things happen, and you have to make a choice. What is more important at that time, and what is worth losing. If you can't choose between, can you try to do both?
"For any of us our forever could end in an hour, or a hundred years from now. You can never know for sure, so you’d better make every second count."
I promise, I will. "Sometimes all you can do is not think. Not wonder. Not obsess. Not imagine. Just breathe. breathe in, breathe out. Everything works out in the end, and the more time you spend worrying about it, the longer it takes for things to end perfectly. Just the way they should. "
"I’ll go out there and make my mistakes. I’ll fall down, get hurt, cry, laugh, love, and get back up. I’ll stand on the highest mountaintop and go into the deepest caverns. I’ll roam across the world, visit the moon and swim in outer space. I’ll let my imagination run wild and let my spirit soar. Why? Because when my life flashes before my eyes in those final moments, I want to have something worthwhile to watch, with plenty of love and laughter, good times and bad. I don’t want to regret a thing and I plan not to. Remember, it’s not usually the things you do that you regret, it’s the things you don’t do and leave unsaid. Laugh out loud. Cry in the rain. Love with all your heart and soul. Get hurt. Tell the truth. Go crazy. But never forget that you only get one shot. One shot at this day, one shot at this minute. One shot at this age. One shot at life. So make sure your life is one you will enjoy watching in your final moments."
I'm scared that my mind is moving away from school and focusing strongly on other things. It's not what I want, but at this point, it's hard to stop focusing on them.
